Chef's Knife or Bayonet?

I recently read in a friend's Bon Appetit that Mundial made a $20 Chef's Knife. Since most of the Wustof knives that we got for our wedding a gazillion years ago decided to collectively break this month (it was an abused workers' revolt after seven years of being carelessly tossed in the dishwasher), I ordered one on Amazon.

I had completely forgotten about ordering it (I blame Twitter attention deficit) and received a giant box from Amazon. Oh, is this my new yoga strap? I thought. Kind of a big box. I opened it eagerly, ready to bust out a down dog in excitement.

HOLY GIANT KNIFE, BATMAN!

Crocodile Dundee ain't got nothing on this bad boy!

I have received not one, but TWO kitchen injuries this week (not to mention hurt feelings at failed kitchen experiments).
1. Didn't use the mandoline guard when making Fennel Apple Slaw
2. Carelessly left a knife in dish pan water in the sink. Reached in and...well, you know. I need a coupon to buy more bandaids!

I resolve to be careful with this culinary machete. I might need your prayers, or at least stitches.